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Bisexual Women and Lesbians
Five Survival Tips
This article appeared in a zine I made for Pride Week 2002, called Bi Dyke.
- Don't change the way you look to try to fit in.
I'm a femme at heart, but I worried this would instantly peg me as a tourist. I shaved my head. I dressed butch. It didn't work. It turns out that all dykes think that they don't fit into "the lesbian community." They think they're not butch enough, or too butch, not femme enough, or too femme, the wrong body type, income bracket, colour, race, religion, or background. - Be open about being bisexual.
As a general rule, the more out you are, the less biphobia you encounter. Don't be apologetic, indecisive or try to come up with a cute euphemism for "bisexual." Some lesbians smell uncertainty the way dogs can smell fear. If you seem unsure of your bisexual orientation there's always some woman willing to argue that you're just in denial. Ironically, she thinks she's helping you to come out. - Challenge biphobia directly.
Make it an issue about her biphobia, not your orientation. "Don't you think people should choose their own identity?" "Why do you take bisexuality so personally?" "Is this hitting too close to home for you?" I found that those dykes who have unresolved issues around having been sexual with men are more biphobic than those who never fucked men, or who did but just didn't care for it as much as pussy. - Don't think that activism will make dykes accept you.
No amount of activism is enough to open a closed mind. Even as co-chair of the Toronto Dyke March, I didn't feel I was accepted as much as the most closeted lesbian. Activism will get you a closet full of t-shirts, but it can't replace self esteem. - Use phrases like, "the bisexual community."
When I was first becoming comfortable with my bi identity I might not have spoken up to protect my own feelings. But I'd fight like a hellcat to stand up for the bi women's community. That's one of the things that a community is for. You can find bi community through groups like Bisexual Women of Toronto, or the Toronto Bisexual Network.
